Game Of Thrones – “The Climb” Season 3 – Episode 6 A Recap – By Sagebeth
I am so impressed with this show, and how each episode doesn’t cease to entertain me on several wonderful levels. So without further introduction follow me into a recap of “The Climb”. Let’s cry with Sansa Stark, and enjoy getting bested by Tywin Lannister. Creep into a hugely awkward conversation between Tyrion, Sansa, and Shea. Yell at Melisandre with Arya. Make another deal with Walder Frey. Fail at dinner with Jamie. Skin rabbits with Osha. Continue the never-ending tale of torture in the mysterious X room. Get schooled on making a fire by Gilly. Enjoy a good chat between snakes and say goodbye to everyone’s favorite literate Northern Whore: Ros. Rest in peace and/or with bolts in your crotch Ros. And finally cuddle close to your wildling lover after almost dying climbing a tremendous ice wall. Let’s dive in.
WHEN SAM SANG TO GILLY
Sam, Gilly, and baby wildling are stopped for the night to camp after fleeing Craster’s Keep. Sam tries to make the fire but is smothering it until Gilly corrects him and the fire hilariously begins to burn acceptably. He also goes on to show her a dagger made of dragon glass he found at the Fist of the First Men as well as telling her about Castle Black. She seems very interested that he was of high birth and from the south and had things like ‘servants’. Her world view must be blowing wide open. She of course must have realized Sam was a high-born because of his lack of pragmatic skills. Just when I thought this scene was going to get too awkward to bare, Gilly asked Sam to sing for her. I nearly blocked my ears expecting something weird and off-putting but alas Samwell is cute as hell. He can’t deny Gilly and begins to sing a soft lullaby which leaves Gilly looking utterly taken with the clumsy cowardly but cute Samwell.
WHEN MEERA AND OSHA ALMOST THREW DOWN
For once when we catch up with Bran and the useless little Rickon that isn’t during a dream. Tensions are rising between Osha and Jojen’s sister: Meera. The funny part is they essentially fight over their own styles in skinning a rabbit. Between this and when we were treated to Tywin skinning a deer back in season one I’m severally debating vegetarianism. All thoughts of the sweet venison stew Sam was talking about in the previous scene are making me gag. Bran thankfully, well mostly, defuses the rising tempers and emotions just in time for the group to watch Jojen suddenly start seizing in his sleep. I also want to share that during the fight Hodor wakes up out of a sound sleep because of the ruckus and chimes in a few good “Hodors” for good measure. Meera explains that he is getting a vision, as she makes sure a leather strap is in his mouth. This really gave me a feeling that she’s done this with her brother very often. When he wakes Jojen explains that he saw Bran’s brother Jon Snow at the wall. This isn’t surprising until Jojen says he is on the wrong side and surrounded by Wildlings. Imagine how much more shocking it would have been if Jojen had said Jon was CLIMBING said wall surrounded by enemies?
WHEN ARYA DIDN’T TRUST HER EYE
On the road with the Brotherhood Without Banners, I finally learned the name of the sick arrow guy: Anguy (figures it would just be a guy – lol). Arya apparently doesn’t think she knows how to kill people enough ways, so Anguy is giving her some lessons in using a bow and arrow. Again Arya and Cersei are linked through dialogue choices as Anguy tells Arya she is good but not as good as she thinks she is making us recall the very similar line Tywin told to Cersei recently. As Arya aims, or rather tries to figure out how to shot without aiming, spies someone approaching them from the road. It’s the gorgeous Melisandre with a small amount of Stannis’s men. This red priestess speaks to Thoros in Valyrian before he brings her into the hideout. I want to note that they greeted one another with the popular Valyrian says of “All men must serve” and “All men must die”.
Once inside she gaps in disbelief that their ever great Lord of Light has brought Beric back from the dead six times. She actually calls it impossible which is pretty telling on how awesome it is. We also get an enlightening monologue about Thoros and his faith concerning how he basically had none until watching the Mountain drive a lance through Beric’s heart and spoke the old words begging for the Lord of Light to resurrect him. This was the first time the Lord responded to Thoros proving that their god is the one true god. Beric just wants to know why she came to them. Melisandre (as I predicted) says that there is someone the Lord of Light needs within the Brotherhood who turns out to be Gendry (Baratheon bastard). Before Gendry gets into the cart with protest she assures him that he will make kings rise and fall. Is this all so Melisandre can make him ‘rise and fall’ on top of her to make a smoke monster baby? It is also shown that Beric and Thoros aren’t fully doing this for their god but for the many coins Melisandre is paying to take the boy. They leave taking him into custody but not before Arya full on yells at Melisandre for it. She calls her a witch and says she just ‘knows’ Melisandre is going to hurt Gendry. Of course this makes the scene even better as when Melisandre looks into Arya’s eyes she grabs her face and seems to literally look even further into Arya’s soul and says “I see darkness in you … brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes — eyes you’ll shut forever. We will meet again.”. This was one of Melisandre’s strongest scenes and moments in this series so far, so I’m suddenly tons more invested in what becomes of her in the future. Who else can’t wait for these two to meet again?
WHEN THEON TOTALLY DIDN’T WIN
Back to the mysterious X room of torture and evil maniacal laughing, we get a scene that seems exclusively catered to all the viewers wondering who the hell Theon’s mysterious torturer is. I need a good name for the not-savior-mysterious-insane-torture loving dude because my nicknames are just keeps getting too long. In an act proving that he is truly a sick bastard not-savior-mysterious-torture dude decides to turn this into a game. He is going to start carving at a useless part of Theon, his pinky finger, while making Theon try to guess who he is and where their current location is. He wants to make Theon beg him to cut his finger off while Theon is forced to attempt to name his aggressor. After several guesses he lets Theon, and us think that he is a Karstark man only to turn around and admit to lying. He dives back to carving at the tip of Theon finger (AHH!) until finally Theon screams for him to just cut it the hell off. Win?
Crazy theory! Back when Theon was stuck in Winterfel surrounded by Bolton troops there was a noted “horn blower” slowly driving him insane blowing a horn all night and all day. The mysterious torturer woke up Theon by blowing a horn in his face this past episode – connection? Am I getting to crazy about this? I also want to reiterate how bad I feel for Alfie Allen (Theon). He is so lost and confused in a haze of extreme physical and mental pain and as viewers we are forced to watch helplessly. Has he gotten enough comeuppance for his treatment of Winterfel and the young Stark children? Too much?
WHEN BLACKFISHES FIST COMPELLED EDMURES TEETH
King Robb, prisoner/mommy Catelyn, uncle Blackfish, and silly Edmure are meeting with members of the Frey family concerning Robb’s nifty new plan to take the Lannister’s castle, Casterly Rock. The Frey’s spout off Walder Frey’s demands: A formal apology from Robb concerning the whole wife fiasco. The castle of Harrenhal and all of its lands and incomes. And for Edmure Tully to marry one of his daughters. Edmure is against this entire part of the deal but is eventually convinced but everyone else there to go through with the arrangement. Hilariously Edmure also thinks this he has time to haggle for the best looking daughter but eventually relents and accepts. I want more silly Edmure scenes just to see Blackfish kick his ass without even lifting a boot.
WHEN JAMIE FAILED AT DINNER
At Harrenhal Roose Bolton is enjoying a meal with Jamie and Brienne. Okay it is not quiet as cut and dry as that: They all sit at a table, streams of early evening light waft in through the burned out holes in the walls, as Jamie (self-quote) “fails at the dinner” by trying to cut meat one handed, and Brienne sits in an enormous hilarious pink dress that we just know she hates with every fiber of her being. In a unexpected move of sweetness Brienne unthinkingly lunges across Jamie’s plate to hold his meat down with a fork letting him finally be able to cut a piece off for himself. As the scene progresses Bolton oddly says he is willing to send Jamie back to King’s Landing on the condition that he not tell his father that the Bolton men are to blame for taking his hand. Jamie sweetly assumes Brienne will accompany him but Bolton assure him that she will be staying with him to face her own treason charges. Jamie tries to talk her way out of it much like when he saved her from a gang rape but Bolton makes it clear that to Jamie that this is him overplaying his position (HAND!) and he should know what happened that last time he did that (Hand!). Gulp. What the hell is up with the Roose? His actions and motivations are slightly baffling to me.
WHEN OLENNA CALLED LORAS A SWORD SWALLOWER
In this weeks segment of Lady Olenna “Schooling Noble Bitches” we got something special – something new. One of the most effective Hand-of-the-Kings we’ve seen on this show, Tywin, is meeting with Olenna to discuss a marriage between her grandson Loras, and the current Queen regent, Cersei, his daughter. Olenna, a true Queen of Thornes, gives as good as she gets trading subtle and obvious insults concerning Cersei’s age, her child bearing, and of course her well known incestuous relationship with her brother Jamie. Tywin brings up Loras and his obvious homosexuality but this doesn’t budge Olenna so Tywin takes out his big guns: They must marry or else Tywin will take Loras into Joffrey’s Kingsguard therefore eliminating any chance of Loras marrying and continuing the Tyrell name. Olenna, smug from being bested but slightly pleased at a man finally meeting her expectations, relents and accepts the marriage proposal and consents to the match. I also want to note the exciting bit of intrigue Olenna created when she subtly hinted at Tywin most likely romping with boys at a younger age. He denies but now that she said it I will not be able to ignore it.
WHEN LORAS AND SANSA TALK PINS VERSUS BROOCHES
Thanks to both the old gods and the new, that Loras and Sansa’s marriage is going to be cancelled because this week we were treated to these two sitting in the gardens attempting some pre-marriage date in which both characters become suddenly unearthly boring (like they make Stannis look downright interesting). Sansa is attempting to get close to the man she thinks she is to wed, while Loras seems to flounder in an uneasy uncomfortable mess in her presence alone. He finally brightens when she brings up their wedding – Looks like theirs going to be two brides as he gushes about the decorations and tournaments, completely leaving Sansa out of the picture. Just as our favorite naive red head begins to looks both confused and suspicious about her fiancés inner workings Loras pays her a predictable compliment about her beauty and she once again brightens at their wedding, forgetting all troubles. This also spurs Loras to rave about the beautiful gown she will wear. Sansa is also looking forward to getting the hell out of Kings Landing which her and Loras finally find absolute common ground over: King’s Landing is a terrible place.
WHEN CERSEI AND TYRION ACTUALLY GOT ALONG
Meanwhile inside the Red Keep, Cersei and Tyrion are watching the couple from a window. Sarcastically Tyrion wonders out of the four of them which is being screwed the most: giving it to Loras and Sansa considering they are but pawns while him and Cersei are at least players but also flat out admitting to the misery that will be being married to the both of them. Cersei, not bothering to negate her awfulness says they could perhaps have both Loras and Sansa killed (haha). After more talking we get some illuminating information that Cersei knows that Tyrion saved the day during Blackwater. She openly admited to him that they would have died if it wasn’t for his Wildfire plan. Tyrion says he thinks her trying to kill him is a stupid thank you. He also continues his search for his would be assassin directly asking Cersei again if she tried to have him killed during the Battle of Blackwater. Cersei, looking utterly tired of fighting with him, keeps quiet. Tyrion, being a smartie, puts two and two together quickly: While Cersei had the power to make such a command she is not nearly stupid enough to have a man do such a task so publicly in front of other soldiers and knights so therefore the culprit had to have been that damned King Joffrey. He perhaps should have put this together earlier considering he is one of the only people to have EVER stood up against him. Hell we have seen Tyrion full on slap Joffrey TWICE on this show. Don’t you wish you could do that? Anyway, Cersei lets Tyrion know that he should be safe now because their father is there. My question is: Does Joffrey hold the same reverence/fear for the man? Anyway, Cersei goes on to lament losing Joffrey to the whore Margeary which she views as literally losing control of history. The scene ends as Cersei wonders who will tell Sansa about her new nuptials. At first I thought this was sympathy or pity but Cersei most likely just wants to go back to one of her favorite games: Rip Sansa apart mentally physically and emotionally.
WHEN TYRION LET SHIT GET AWKWARD
Around now is when Tyrion took his sisters lovely transition line and made the scene work. After nearly walking in on Sansa half naked he asks for a word – a private word. Sansa doesn’t send Shea away because of her childish trust in her. Shea, initially tickled, must have been curious as hell as to what her ‘true love’ could possible want with the beautiful noble Lady Sansa. Tyrion goes on to give a carefully coded apology to Shea for finding out the news this way. Then the scene cuts away just as Tyrion admits to the utter awkwardness that it is dripping in. Initially I was mad that we didn’t get to see this large piece of plot action happen on screen but the subtle nature of this episode can forgive it as this episode kept most of it juicy bits behind the scenes, and left to the imaginations. Therefore I find the intrigue and genuine hilarity in watching Tyrion get more and more weird trying to figure out how exactly to tell his lover and Sansa about their upcoming nuptials. Also perhaps we doesn’t want to see Sansa Stark get her hopes and dreams brained against a wall, as she starts to weep at the prospect of sleeping with our favorite character Tyrion. We do actually catch her weeping later on in the episode as she watches Littlefinger’s ship set sail without her. Normally I would feel badly for Sansa but girl got wicked dumb again this week. Anyone else catch her asking Shea if her family would be allowed to her wedding? Why on earth do you think that would be okay?
WHEN VARYS AND LITTLEFINGER TALK SHOP
Varys and Littlefinger, two of the more clever men on the show, spend some time in the throne room discussing the Iron Throne and the propaganda that surrounds their history and creates the pageantry and majesty that is Kings and Queens. Their conversation is more testy than usual concerning that Littlefinger knows about Varys breaking up his little plan to spirit away Sansa Stark to probably wed her. Varys insists his actions concern protecting the realm. Awesomely Littlefinger spouts that the “realm” is essentially a lie made up by Aegon the Conqueror. I love this because there is no “right” and “wrong” answer. Both men are so right and so wrong. Unfortunately Littlefinger, ever the villain, points out that he found out about Varys little arrangement with one of his whores: Ros. Another piece of action that happened off-screen we are treated to King Joffrey and his trusty crossbow eyeing a bolt-riddled corpse of Ros hanging from the post of his bed. He darkly explains that he has given her to a “friend” who is eager to try a new “experience”. Unlike other characters though, Littlefinger completely revels in the chaos he creates, likening the chaos to a ladder to climbed rather than a pit to be lost in. His whole promo-magic-monologue turned this episode from pretty great to awesomely splendid.
WHEN YGRITTE WASN’T AS DUMB AS GIRLS IN SILK DRESSES
After getting a load of allegory and allusions of climbing through the episode we finally get the real meat of an actual climb. Jon Snow and Ygritte are getting cuter as they prepare to climb the huge wall. They also get closer as Ygritte admits that especially after bedding him she knows his true nature and he is not the turncoat he is pretending to be. She knows he secret. She knows he is too loyal to not be to the Nights Watch but she tells him that has to stop now. The best part is she doesn’t want him to throw in his lot with Mance but rather with her. She wants him to be exclusively loyal to her – his “woman“. She awesomely breaks down the fantasy that they are more than little toy soldiers in a war that truly doesn’t matter to them. She makes it known that they should care exclusively for each other and if he doesn’t hold such a loyalty to her much like he is pretending to for Mance she will “cut his pretty cock off’ and wear it around her neck. I didn’t know Ygritte made jewelry! She could start a totally creative Etsy line.
During the actual climb one of Ygritte’s strikes at the wall causes a crack to slice across the side of the wall causing a crazy avalanche of ice taking most of the party out with it. Ygritte and Jon live but only by hanging from a rope from the surviving wildings, Orwell and Giantsbane. Orwell, the annoying warg, thinks they are going pull him off so he cuts the ropes between him and them therefore killing them. Fortunately Jon managed to get a hold of the ice right before he almost plummeted to the ground, keeping Ygritte safe as well. They eventually make it to the top of the wall together where they lay exhausted staring into the sky. Jon sees a bird circling (Orwell? Jojen? Bran?) overhead but soon draws his attention to Ygritte and then to their beautiful surroundings. They both stand as they stare off both sides of wall, leading to one of the more completely buyable romances on this show. They embraces and kiss as the beauty paints a picture around them.
NEXT TIME: Brienne is in some sort of deep shit involving a cage or circular pit of horror. Arya’s favorite god is Death and she wishes the Lannister’s will kill everybody. Dany wants blood and will get it. Theon is tortured… more. And Gendry swears he is just a bastard.
And I’m Pyat Preeurple Lips.