Game Of Thrones – Season 4 -Episode 2 “The Lion And The Rose”

•April 15, 2014 • Leave a Comment

“A toast to the proud Lannister children: The dwarf, the cripple, and the mother of madness” -Tyrion
A Game of Thrones Recapview By Sagebeth

With an epic main character death, a wedding, a human hunt, and good old burnings at the stake in the cards this episode, we won’t waste any of your time on pointless drivel and jump straight into a full recap.
“Theon was our enemy but Reek, Reek will never betray us”-Ramsey
“I place far too much trust in you”-Daddy Bolton


We start the episode with everyone’s favorite villainous sociopath: Ramsey Snow. This is Roose Bolton’s bastard who burned Winterfel, tortured and broke Theon Greyjoy, and is an all around bad guy who derives too much joy out of others pain. We catch up with him as he chases a fleeing girl through the woods, insisting if she can escape she can have her life. She cries out, and literally runs for her life as Ramsey, his lover, two dogs, and Reek (Theon after hes been terribly broken even more off screen) chase after her. Are these the same two girls who sexually teased Theon back when he was being tortured before he was castrated? Apparently one has become Ramsey’s lover, Miranda, and has grown jealous of the other hence hunting her through the woods for no good reason. The little scene was unsettling in a good way for two reasons: Reek/Theon has become completely subjugated and follows his ‘master’ Ramsey like a pet dog and when this little hunting party eventually catches up to its very human innocent prey Ramsey decides to reward his war dogs by letting them rip her to shreds. Yummy. I missed this cheerful cute psychopath.

Back at the Dreadfort later on Roose Bolton is returning from his great betrayal of Robb Stark with his new fat wife Walda(?) Frey in tow (haha, paid by the pound). He also brought along one of his men Locke who is responsible for cutting off Jamie’s hand. Note: Locke and Ramsey are like BFFs of violence. After Ramsey joyfully greets his new “mother” he has to break the news to his father that he may have played with Theon/Reek a bit too much. He reveals some of the things he ‘took’ from him and also presents Reek to Roose. Daddy Bolton however isn’t pleased – because he’s not a complete psychopath and he needed Theon. Theon should have been a valuable hostage, and this Reek is a broken toy. He wanted to use Theon to trade for Moat Cailin, a strategic Northern collection of towers that the Iron born have invaded but now that idea totally doesn’t work. Ramsey, trying to not just win his fathers favor but also credit toward becoming a real heir to the Dreadfort, doesn’t apologize but shows Roose and Locke how well he’s trained his new pet Reek. He has Reek shave him and right in the middle of it he reveals that Robb Stark is dead. Theon/Reek pauses and for a split second you think he might just slit his new ‘masters’ throat but instead he just continues his job. Roose either impressed or bored tells Ramsey that he must take Moat Cailin to prove his worth. Ramsey also has Reek share the news about Bran and Rickon being very much alive and most likely with Jon Snow at Castle Black. Roose sends out his best hunter, Locke to find the boys for a hefty reward. I’d love to see how Jon Snow would react to this bullshit.


“Now that the war is won we should all find time for wisdom – thank you Uncle” -Joffrey screwing with Tyrion

Brothers, Tyrion and Jamie are finally sharing a scene since the first season and it lovely. Tyrion is actually in a great mood, and I chalk it up to spending time with his brother who is no longer perfect. This is evidenced by him dubbing his Lannister siblings as “The dwarf, the cripple, and the mother of madness”. However I also think Tyrion realizes that Jamie is his only family member who actually loves him. Jamie proves this by trusting him more than he has anyone else in Kings Landing by revealing that he can no longer fight without his sword hand. He wants to practice with his other hand but he doesn’t trust anyone to keep his secret about the whole “not being badass anymore” and probably kill him. Tyrion, always the fixer, decides to set Jamie up with his fave sellsword Bronn. In a secluded area near the ocean Bronn and Jamie meet up to practice and although Jamie is leery he also brought money for Bronn so it is all good. Oddly enough it is satisfying to see Jamie not be THAT awesome with his other hand but hopefully he’ll improve now.

Now while this is happening Tyrion learns from Varys that Shea has been found out by Cersei and Tywin so she’s in deep shizz. Tyrion hopes his ‘friend’ Varys will lie for him but the Spider is not ready nor willing to lie to Cersei or Tywin in case they were to suspect him. So in a move of absolutely fearing for her life Tyrion does the only thing he sees left to do: Horribly break up with her for her own good. Tyrion, obviously lying, literally wills the words out of his mouth. Shea, always the funny whore, tries to seduce him again but ends up getting faced when he offers her money, servants, and a house in Pentos. Shea continues to battle though so Tyrion finally lays into her about being a whore and not being suitable to bear his children unlike his child-bride Sansa. This is clearly hurting him more than her but she still stamps her feet like a child and basically pulls a hissy fit of sad tears as Bronn leads her to her waiting ship. Sad? Yes. Long time coming? Yes.

Presents time! During some morning wedding shower Joffrey gets some prezzies. Margaerys father gives them a gigantic golden goblet while Cersei points out Shea to her father who wants her brought to the Tower of the Hand before the wedding. Yikes.Tyrion gifts his nephew with a self-help book about becoming a better leader so Joffrey does the only logical thing he can think of: He takes his new Valyrian steel sword (a gift from his grandfather Tywin) and cuts that bitch in half. Tyrion did you seriously think Joffrey’s big problem was not enough reading? Speaking of his new sword he obviously wants to name it – Turns out the Hound was right in saying “lots of cunts name their swords”. He asks the crowd for help and one of them mentioned is “Widows Wail” which Joffrey loves because now every time he uses the sword it will be like taking off Ned Starks head all over again. Sansa sits there watching, always utterly powerless. Sigh.


“There is only one hell princess, the one we live in now” -Melisandre

Melisandre is busy doing her usual business on Dragonstone and that is burning people alive as tokens of faith to the Lord of Light. One of the unlucky participants is actually Selyse’s (Stannis’s queen) brother which is a huge reminder at what a whack job this woman is. She marvels at the burnings, and reacts to her husband with her religious zealotry. Awesomely Stannis doesn’t even speak to her, just looking utterly bored with her crazy ranting. He walks away without a word and discusses all the bad shit he is doing with Davos. It’s actually very repetitive from last year as Davos plays the naive angel on Stannis’s shoulder while Stannis blindly follows Melisandre. Later at dinner they discuss the siege they lived through back during the rebellion and Melisandre has to sort of set the highborn lady straight that hunger is something that exists everywhere. Selyse is mostly worried/concerned with her daughters soul but truly she is just disgusted with her only living child who she calls stubborn and sinful. Stannis, getting quite protective says shes only a child and straight to Selyse that she is not to be touched. Selyse agrees readily enough but mentions that perhaps Melisandre could speak with her. So Melisandre enters the little girls room while shes in bed, thankfully not sleeping, and begins a pointless conversation with her while lighting all of the candles around her room literally ‘letting the light in’. Melisandre dubs a religious book about The Seven gods as lies and fables and explains her true two gods to little Shireen aka Cute Lobster girl. There is a god of light, love and joy and a god of darkness evil and fear. Silly scene just to remind people about the religious difference? Probably.



“It must be glorious though; To run. To leap. To hunt. To be whole.”-Jojen being wise

We catch up with Team Bran as he watches the world through his direwolf Summers eyes. He runs, and jumps, and eats fresh meat so of course he is pissed when Hodor wakes him from his dream-walking. It wasn’t until now that I realized how unfair this must be to Bran who cannot walk. Of course he loves escaping into his animals – They must feel whole in comparison to himself. But alas Jojen always the wise soul warns Bran that if he stays too long in Summer he’ll forget himself inside of her. Bran pouts but this is forgotten when they continue their journey north of the wall. As they walk Summer seems very interested in a godswood tree so Bran follows his gut and bids Hodor to carry him to the tree. He sits at its base and slowly wargs into the tree – OMG AWESOME VISIONS ALERT! Brans sees a variety of actions since season one including a partial memory of his fall back in episode one which is cool because he couldn’t remember that at all. Most of his vision is a bunch of things that got people mega-excited in the season four trailer for the show but we also caught glimpses of Ned Stark, as well as part of Dany’s vision from the house of the undying being a broken down burnt out King’s Landing with either snow or ashes falling. The most tantalizing view though was a shadow of a great Dragon flying over King’s Landing – So is this still ultimately teasing Dany making it to Westros and unleashing her babies on the capital? The core of the vision though is the three-eyed crow communicating with Bran this time with a voice and bids Bran to continue North to find him under the “tree”. Perhaps its some massive godswood? So who actually is this three-eyed crow? Should Bran be wordlessly following his wishes? I supposed I’d listen to mysterious talking birds from visions too.


“One heart. One flesh. One soul. Cursed be he who would seek to tear them asunder” -End of royal wedding ceremony


Back in King’s Landing we get the much bragged about royal wedding between Joffrey and Margaery. It’s beautiful and literally everything looks super expensive and detailed. The new royal couple kisses and Tyrion tells Sansa that it is better Margaery than her which seemed like his subtle way of pointing out that even though he’s a suck choice for a husband at least he’s not Joffrey. Good point. Also around now is when we got some cool unique character-pairing conversations. This includes: Bronn reassuring Tyrion that he got Shea onto her boat out of Kings Landing. Tyrion still feels like caca though so Bronn insists he “Go drink until he until it feels like he did the right thing”. Ha-ha. Tywin and Lady Olenna are paired yet again and they are there to remind us that the crown is severely in debt to the Iron Bank of Braavos which is known to fund someones enemies if they don’t pay up. Tywin isn’t worried though and Olenna hilariously insists they enjoy the young love in the royal couple. Later Olenna approaches Sansa and gives her belated condolences for her families demise at the Red Wedding. Ironically she spouts “Killing a man at a wedding! Horrid. What sort of monster would do such a thing? As if men need more reasons to fear marriage”. Oh man Olenna you tricky bitch! Do you know what you are foreshadowing or not? Meanwhile Jamie reverts a bit by both being charming and threatening to Loras concerning his impending marriage to Cersei. Mind you poor Loras only ended up in this conversation because he accidentally walked into Jaime when he was making sexy-eyes at Prince Oberyn across the party.Loras you slut! I love him. Jamie warns him of the darkness awaiting him if he marries her but then he ultimately says she would never. Loras for once has a winning parting line and lets Jamie know he won’t be marrying her as well. Burn. Brienne attempts to congratulate Joffrey but he dismisses her with an irritated wave of his hand after realizing she didn’t kill Renly. Cersei wants to talk to this beanpole of a woman though. Much like Jamie, Cersei begins the conversation quite charmingly and right when Brienne is comfortable she slides in the threats. Cersei is crazy jealous concerning Jamie even though she essentially wrote him off in the last episode. I also have to share that she is jealous of Briennes strength and ability to defend herself without relying on a man. Later on after Margaery announces her plans to send all their leftovers from the feast to the poor of Kings Landing, and Cersei is about ready to swallow her own tongue. Her solution to battling this new ‘queen’ is by threatening Maester Pycelle – It seems her new interest in Qyburn has made her realize her dislike for Pycelle. She overrides the new queens decision, ordering him to use the leftovers to feed the dogs and if he doesn’t he will be used as dog food. Ugh. Cersei looks insanely proud of herself – too bad it won’t last. Her, and Tywin end up in a conversation with Obyern and Ellaria (who looks super sexy) and Obyern wastes no time insulting them with barbs about bastards, Cersei no longer being queen, Tywins wealth, and the Lannisters wartime crimes against his family. Tywin unexpectedly coasts past this instead of bullying him probably knowing the problems it could bring. Note: Oberyn also hints at Cersei’s own daughter who is married into his family in Dorne. Yikes.


From here on out Joffrey will command absolutely all of our attention until the end of the episode and his life. A band plays a mournful version of the Rains of Castamere for their king and he awesomely throws coins harshly at them dismissing them for not being his version of entertaining. He tells the crowd some nonsense about a royal wedding not being an amusement but for history and he gestures at a 20-foot lion head. The mouth opens and out pops a theater troop of dwarfs dressed to represent the five kings of the war and Joffreys fake dominance over them. They ride mock-ups of their family sigils and perform essentially the highlights of the last four seasons including beheading Robb Stark and playing on Renly liking dudes. The entire act brings up genius level of discomfort and wholly insulting to mostly everyone at the wedding – Sansa, Tyrion, Margaery, Loras, Brienne, etc. In fact only Joffrey and Cersei seem to like this charade. Tommen, Joffreys younger brother, laughs briefly being too young to truly understand but he seems to stop when he looks at her uncle Tyrion and connects the dots. Tyrion looks supremely pissed and tells Podrick to pay each of the performers 20 gold and he’ll have to find a way to thank the king later. That bit of anger might come back to hurt him later.

This all wasn’t enough for Joffrey though and he focuses his worst traits on his uncle after this. He insists Tyrion fight the dwarfs and Tyrion is too prideful to not snark back he thinks Joffrey should do it considering he didn’t actually fight before and Tyrion would like to keep his face. Don’t poke the crazy asshole! Joffrey sets up to humiliate Tyrion but at every turn Tyrion rejects the humiliation such as calling Joffrey pouring his wine over his head a “spill”. Joffrey orders him to be his cup bearer and Tyrion calls it an honor. After some bullshit of Joffrey kicking his empty glass around so Tyrion has to struggle to pick it up they continue a back and forth with a mounting tension until Tyrion flat out refuses to bow before him. Note: Sansa actually helps her poor husband out a bit by retrieving the cup when he can’t find it under the table. It’s either meant to frame her or show her actually caring what he’s going through. Margaery, public relations extraordinaire, hilariously interrupts the stand off announcing the entrance of a giant pie. Of course Joffrey approaches the giant pastry with his new sword in hand, as though its a foe, and smacks into it ridiculously. Birds fly out of the opening, while a handful die inside from the sword blow – a metaphor for everyone on this show. Margaery feeds her husband some of the pie and he yells at Tyrion to give him more wine because the pie of dry. He gives him a re-filled goblet and he drinks. He coughs, takes another small sip of his wine, and begins to full on choke/cough way more. Margaery screams that he is choking. Olenna gets dramatic and begs someone in the crowd to help their king. Joffrey quickly begins to choke and panic as his face turns a vibrant red as Jamie rushes in trying to protect his secret son.


Tyrion looks absolutely confused with this turn of events, and even Sansa looks worried. The core of these last moments gives me time to reflect on the sad fact that Joffrey is still but a boy who has never been told no, sure a dickhead but a young boy nonetheless. Dontos, the drunk fool, appears by Sansa on the podium and bids her to escape with him while it is still chaotic. Cersei is completely losing her mind as this is probably her worst nightmare coming true – right after not being queen that is. In his last moments, while being held by his mother Joffrey sickly points an accusatory finger at Tyrion who is literally standing alone in the middle of the stage holding the empty poisoned goblet looking extremely confused. Too bad Cersei obviously believes Tyrion is to blame because he blatantly the only one I’m sure didn’t have a hand in it. So murder mystery time! Sansa? Dontos? Olenna? Margeary? Other? Thoughts. My gut feeling is Olenna but that could be me just expecting her to do cool shit and reading way too much into her eyes.


Whoever had the pleasure of poisoning Joffrey wins my VIOLENCE OF THE WEEK AWARD for sure. Anyone else both turned on and disgusted by Joffreys purple blood stained face and bloodshot googly eyes as he died? Just me?


Popjunk Movies Podcast: Top 5 Side Characters you’d like to see in their own Movie.

•April 14, 2014 • Leave a Comment


Here’s a new episode back to the usual format of drinking, now playing and top 5.  I’ve had a few people ask me to do this so below will be show notes, the movies we’ve talked about in this episode, corrections to bullshit we said, etc.  Enjoy!



Top 5 Side Characters you’d like to see in their own movie.
What were we drinking.
Adam: Samuel Adams: Rebel IPA

Cory. Ellie’s Brown Dog Ale.

Evan: Samuel Smith’s Winter Welcome Ale
Now Playing: Bigger Faster Stronger: 2008 by Chris Bell. (Currently Streaming on Netflix Instant)
Heckler: 2007- Michael Addis (Currently Streaming on Netflix Instant)

Top 5 List.

Dr. King Shultz-Django Unchained.
Merry & Pipen- The Lord of the Rings
Doc Holiday-Tombstone
Winston Wolf-Pulp Fiction (Streaming on Netflix)
Sitterson & Hadley-Cabin in the Woods (Streaming on Netflix)
Billy Bickle-Seven Psychopaths.
Williams & Ropper-Enter The Dragon.
Vincenzo Coccotti-True Romance
Winston Wolf-Pulp Fiction (streaming)
Cobra Kai- The Karate Kid (Not streaming, but the garbage cartoon from 1989 is.)

Honorable Mentions.
Charlie Prince- 3:10 to Yuma
Vincent- Collateral
Kuato-Total Recall.
Lucas Lee- Scott Pilgram vs. The World
Ernie McCracken -Kingpin


Marshell Bell who played Kuato in Total Recall: Not Dead, sorry dude.

Julia Sweeney was in Pulp Fiction. Jane Curtain was an awful guess.
David Wooderson-Dazed and Confused should have made my list and Billy Bickle should have been honorable mention.


Game Of Thrones – S4 – E1 “Two Swords” A Game of Thrones Reviewcap By Sagebeth

•April 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment


It’s backkk! Welcome back for another season of boobies, blood, and some of the best television cinema I’ve ever experienced. It was a lovely episode in general supremely confident in delivering on all/most of the plotlines. The dialogue was great, the scene’s sharp, and tension was glorious. Within the following you can expect a recap of what went down, some speculation, as well as a few book details to highlight what exactly we saw. Also everyone’s favorite title sequence has changed again to include the Dreadfort which is the Bolton estate where Ramsey Snow is keeping Theon. Also they showed the slave city of Meereen where Dany is headed to do some quality sacking. Now lets start at the beginning:

“A one-handed man with no family needs all the help he can get” -Tywin on giving Jaime a sword
The hour had a cold open highlighting Eddard Starks family sword “Ice”. It isn’t just any sword but made of Valyrian steel which cannot even be made anymore and in fact there are only three dudes who can actually melt them down and re-forge them correctly. Thankfully, while still riding high on the murders of most of the Starks, Tywin has ‘Ice’ re-forged into two other swords to belong to the Lannisters’ who are in need of their own. After seemingly using the power of his stare to melt the greatsword, he throws a wolf pelt on the flames for good measure. Was it Neds old cloak? Greywind’s own pelt (Robb’s direwolf)? I don’t know but Tywin seems mighty pleased with it.
At least one of the swords is being gifted to Jamie in the next scene and even though he’s shaved his beard and washed off the grim he is still the new and improved Jamie we remember from last season. That is a Jamie who is sick of breaking oaths and promises, and probably misses his honor a bit. This is Jamie who is taking his queues from Brienne. Also lets note how dickish Tywin is for giving his HANDLESS son a sword. It’s like getting him new mittens and expecting him to wear both. Also, naturally Tywin wants something in return and that is for Jamie to go to their home Casterly Rock and rule in his place – This is something Jamie should never be able to do as a Kings Guard but Tywin wants Joffrey to excuse him noting his missing hand. But this is new Jamie and that last thing he wants to do is break yet another oath (even with a sort of honorable discharge) so he tells Tywin something he is not used to hearing: No. Tywin questions what Jamie actually wants and hilariously its supper. Jamie takes this as a win, as seen by his snide smile as he walks away from his father.

Later on Cersei drinks and watches as Jamie is fitted with a golden hand on his stump by the disgraced Maester Qyburn. It’s nice but also a sad attempt of Cersei trying to make him whole again in a way he simple won’t be. It’s also fun to speculate what ailment Qyburn helped Cersei with – unwanted pregnancy? Std? Guesses? It’s as if she knows he’s changed but unfortunately she is one area he hasn’t changed. Hilarious side-note: Jamie waves goodbye to Qyburn with his new hand. Jamie loves his sister and the second they are alone he tries to bone down but she rebuffs him and we learn she has been doing this since he has returned to the city. Cunt. He just wants some genuine love from her and Cersei seems so over him. She explains in a completely nonsensical cruel way why she just can’t: He took too long getting back to her. I reiterate: Cunt. Jamie is at least smart enough to assume shes sleeping with Qyburn – That is how Cersei gathers power right? With her vagina.

“Long sword is a bad option in close quarters. When I pull my blade your friend is going to bleed quite a lot I’m afraid. So many bones in the wrist.” -Oberyn FTW
Waiting on the road for the prince of Dorne (the southern most kingdom of Westros) to arrive to King’s Landing we catch up with Tyrion, Bron, and Podrick. When the Dorne arrival party gets there the Prince is notably missing from the parade. A swarmy member of the party informs us that Prince Doran Martell did not come due to his health so his younger brother Prince Oberyn came instead. Awesomely he arrived wicked early not a fan of the ceremony as well as the Lannisters in general, and is currently in one of the cities brothels with his paramour Ellaria Sand. Sweetly she wastes no time informing that audience that she is a bastard and a base-born making her an insane choice of date especially for a King’s wedding but Oberyn doesn’t give a shit and its cool as hell. This cute spicy sexual couple are browsing the brothel for some extra lovemaking partners which extends to both men and women. Unfortunately we don’t get any foursome action as they are interrupted by the Lannister theme, The Rains of Castamere, being sung by a soldier in another room. Oberyn’s blood legitimately boils at the song and he drops everything to go investigate it. He enters the room, where the soldier is lamely serenading a whore on his lap with the tune. The prince approaches them, his hand sliding over the flame of a candle in the coolest way, and proceeds to quickly gain the upper hand over the Lannister soldier who he stabs through the wrist. Sweet. Ellaria steps in now, trying to reign her lover in by passionately making out with him as his victim spurts blood. This is about when Tyrion finds him, who has been rushing all over the city trying to find him before he can kill anyone, and politely asks for an audience. Prince Oberyn brings on the exposition here: His older sister Elia was the last dragons, Prince Rhagar Targaryn’s wife and they shared two children. This is the same Prince Rhagar who absconded or ran away with Lyanna Stark sparking Robert’s rebellion which was the building blocks of the first season. When Tywin Lannister finally sided with Robert toward the end of the rebellion he sacked King’s Landing and while Jamie killed the mad king, Gregor or The Mountain is said to have brutally killed Elia’s children in front of her, raped her, and then split her in two with his sword. Heavy. So essentially Oberyn flat out admits he is there for revenge which is one of the ballsiest things ever done on this show. “The Lannister’s aren’t the only ones who pay their debts” he intones. Gulp. Take anyone but Tyrion and Jamie!

“They say a thousand slaves died making the great pyramid of Meereen” -fuel to light Dany’s fire
Yay Dragon-kitties! Big dragon-kitties! Dany relaxes with her fave dragon and largest, Drogon as her other kiddies play tug of war with a goat carcass in mid-air. It gets even better as they drop it near Drogon and he joins the eating frenzy. Dany foolishly tries to calm him down by touching him when hes greedily eating and he snaps at her. Shes surprised. Ugh. Dany I love you and hate you. Of course Ser Jorah sees this whole thing go down because hes watching her – why wouldn’t he be?! He approaches and reminds her that they are damn dragons and cannot be tamed.
Later she goes to meet with her army and is annoyed to find both Daario and Greyworm missing from the morning meeting. So she goes to find them ‘gambling’ or rather having some sort of survivor immunity challenge involving holding their swords with their forearms for hours on end. Also can we note that Daario is a totally different actor with completely different features then the last? I like the new guy better though if only because he doesn’t resemble Fabio. Dany lets them know how super annoyed she is so later on Daario does some much needed repair work to their little flirtationship. He gives her some local flowers as both a romantic gift but telling her it is under the pretense of teaching her about the local culture. He tells her if she wants them to follow her she must become a part of their world. I have to wonder if having a massive army and dragons is a free pass to not joining their world. But who cares because it was just an excuse for Daario is flirt with her. Sadly this short happiness cannot last as she is called to the front of her army as they march on Meereen. There is a crucified little slave girl set up as a mile marker pointing toward Meereen. The slave masters from there have heard about Dany and posted this as a warning to the Khalessi. In a move of extreme overkill they apparently have set one up a mile apart on their march to the city, making that 163 little bodies. Her advisers want to have someone go ahead and bury each dead slave but Dany wants to see everyone of their god damn faces because is there is one thing Dany does well is rage up and breath metaphorical fire while letting her babies breath real fire. Why on earth would they wind her up like this? Don’t they know who they are screwing with? Kill these assholes Dany.

“Your mother on the other hand – I admired her. She wanted to have me executed but I admired her.”-Tyrion
Sansa is eternally sad due to her families demise and its utterly expected but what I didn’t expect was for her too be so sad she doesn’t want to eat any lemon cakes. BLASPHEMY. Tyrion is bummed too because he cannot help her and seeing him doesn’t exactly help her. She ends up peace-ing out to go sit in the Godswood where at least no one will try to talk to her. Jokes on her though because someone is in fact there watching and following her. It’s frightening until we realize its just the court fool: Ser Dontos who Joffrey tried to drown with wine on his nameday in season two. He gifts her with the last bit of luxury from his dead house: a family heirloom necklace which she ends up promising to wear.
Back in Tyrion’s bedroom Shea is reverting to her whore roots and trying to desperately sex Tyrion who truthfully doesn’t want any of that right now. He sort of respects Sansa, his family is trying to kill him, Oberyn wants to kill all of them, and Shea shouldn’t even be in his room. He’s trying to severally separate himself emotionally from her fearing for her safety still. She impossibly doesn’t understand this still and seems extremely jealous of Sansa. Shea stop being annoying and try being smart. Love is sacrifice you whore. Ofcourse this is also when one of Cersei’s spies catches sight of them.

“If that boy is still walking, it’s cause you let him go”-Giantsbane
Unexpectedly we catch up with Ygritte, Tormond, and some of the wildlings preparing to march on the wall. Ygritte is harshly making arrows probably imagining shooting them at her ex-lover Jon Snow but a hint at her still active love for the boy is apparent after Tormond explains that Jon wouldn’t be alive if she didn’t want him alive. Their little spat is interrupted by another crew of wildlings coming through their camp. These aren’t any friendly wildlings though but a separate tribe called the Thenns. The wildlings we know and love seem extremely weary of their comrades in arms. The Thenns seem obsessed with weight until we got the big reveal at the end of the scene: They are cannibals. Take that Walking Dead! Just when you thought you had something on G.O.T. they threw down the cannibal card before you could.

“You’re better than me at everything – except reading”-Samwell on Jon
Now no longer bleeding from his fight with Ygritte, Jon slightly mourns the loses at the Red Wedding. He intones his old jealousies of his brother Robb but he would never want something like the Red Wedding to actually happen. Samwell chimes in here that he can relate because of his jealousy toward Jon. I missed these two friends getting some actual one on one time. Note: I wonder if the Thenns will ever get a look at Samwell and just start salivating. Back on track Jon must answer to the Nights Watch command for his actions last season: Killing the Halfhand, joining the wildlings, sleeping with a girl. They want to hang him but Jon for the first time doesn’t seem to care and only intones a warning of the massive army coming to attack them. He’s been through so much and a bunch of mean old men no longer scare him. A fun face in the crowd is the ex-commander of the City watch in Kings Landing who betrayed Ned Stark and way run out of town by Tyrion. Jon should thank Maeter Aemon for dismissing him and believing his story considering everyone else is still pissed. There was also a fun bit about Aemon being able to tell lies from truth because he grew up in Kings Landing.

“I broke Stannis on the Blackwater” -Joffrey being insane
Luckily we got to chime in with the Queen of Thornes and almost-queen Margaery while they try to find the perfect necklace for the wedding. Being very funny Margaery quips that she should let Joffrey choose it for her and have it be a chain of dead sparrow heads around her neck. HAHAHA. This is about when Brienne make her entrance, towering over them earning a well placed “My word” from Olenna. This is when Brienne tells Margaery about the shadow-stannis from way back when. Margaery rightfully forgives and tells her Joffrey is king now.
We got a quick look at a crazy amazing statue in the gardens at the Red Keep featuring Joffrey standing victorious over a dead Direwolf and then we transition to Joffrey in the flesh trying on wedding outfits standing the same exact overly victorious way that only this little shit can. Hahaha. Jamie is there to give his secret son the details of his protection plan for his upcoming wedding. Joffrey dumbly thinks no one would dare want to harm him because they know he saved them and the city by ‘winning the war’ that he didn’t fight in. Ugh. Jamie is getting this shit from all sides today isn’t he? Joffrey goes on to throw sand in the wound by opening The White Book which functions as a book of biographies for every single Kingsguard and all of their good deeds. He namedrops a few before settling on Jamie’s tiny paragraph of a page and reminding his uncle/father that he has only one hand now and surely cannot do anything else. Cunt. “How can you protect me with that?!” Joffrey sneers and in yet another awesome move Jamie shows incredible restraint and notes that there is still time for more accomplishments. Why is almost his entire family acting like he cut off his hand for fun!? Jamie you better be rethinking the fruits of your twincest.
Later on, probably getting some much air Jamie is sort of attacked again and this time by Brienne so its less hurtful. She wants Jamie to keep his pledge to Catelyn concerning saving her daughters so Brienne’s promise is actually kept as well. She fears for her own honor as well as his own. Jamie smartly thinks this is difficult considering Sansa is now a Lannister and he assumes Arya most likely dead. You know what they say about assuming?


“Little lady wants a pony?”-Sandor
Now comes everyone’s favorite segment from this new episode and that is some quality Arya and Hound hijinks. Arya is sick of riding cutely on the same horse as the Hound but he doesn’t want her to run away with her own. Arya smartly lets him know that she’d be dumb to leave him considering he’s protecting her knowing she’d most likely die without him. We also find out he has a new plan for her now that Catelyn is dead, he’s decided to bring Arya to the Vale so her aunt Lysa can pay him for her. Would Lysa do that? I wonder if she is even crazier. This is the same lady who was breast feeding a grown child. Anyway this twosome is super hungry and when they reach a tavern they find some Lannister soldiers busy stealing chickens and molesting the Tavern owners daughter. Lovely. Arya recognizes one of the men as Polliver, a villain who took her sword needle (calling it a toothpick) back when she was taken captive in season two. He was the dude who killed her friend by slowly stabbing him in the neck when he was incapacitated by leg injuries. Arya sees red but the Hound does not want to fight all five men while being so hungry. Arya wants blood though and somehow coaxes the Hound into following her to the door where they are caught arguing. Now in sight of the men they slowly enter the tavern. Tension rises.
Polliver recognizes the Hound and starts bragging about all the horrible shit he’s been doing in the Lannister name for the war. Awesomely the Hound begins to dance around him verbally, pressing all of the guys buttons because he wants the chicken they stole from the Tavern owner. He definitely wants to kill them but he also wants Polliver to make the first move. Finally the fight starts and Arya dodges the fray but watches looking for her moment. As the Hound takes on all five men the soundtrack is absolutely silent and its not until Arya makes her move that the music comes into play. She smashes a pot over one of the hurt mens heads, takes his sword and slowly stabs him in the gut and then she takes said sword and swipes at the back of Polliver’s legs incapacitating him. Now laying defenseless on the ground, Arya takes back Needle and utters the same line he told her injured friend back in season two before slowly pushing Needle into his throat. SICK! This wins in a tie for VIOLENCE OF THE WEEK with The Hound somehow stabbing a man with his own knife in the face several times. Sick. Awesome. Gruesomely cool. Arya firmly sociopathic now literally beams with joy at her kill.
Afterward they ride on in their journey with The Hound hilariously indulging on the stolen chicken while Arya genuinely smiles with ease. Needle is at her side and she got her much wanted pony plus she totally killed some men. That has to be like an Arya dream day. The fields around the road burn as these two move forward in their journey.

Did you want to hear from more people? Bran? Theon? Stannis? I’m guessing next week and I’m fine with that. Until next time fiends.

Retro Junk: Rocky 4

•April 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment


Here’s the second of our 2 part Stallone episode as we discuss how Rocky used 80′s pop music fueled montages to take down the Iron Curtain and end the cold war. Enjoy!

Game Of Thrones – A Catch-Up By Sagebeth

•April 5, 2014 • Leave a Comment


With the approaching new fourth season of Game of Thrones I decided some of us need a speedy-quick review of where we left off in season three. So without wasting anymore time lets hurry up and find out where our favorite characters were last.


“Here’s the young wolf”-Walder Frey
“Forever young”-Roose Bolton
With the complete devastation done in last years Red Wedding we find most of the participants dead. Robb Stark’s corpse was being paraded around with his direwolf’s head sewn on his body making for a gruesome but awesome visual. Catelyn Stark’s throat is slit, and she also is dearly departed unlike her brothers. Blackfish luckily got away while silly Edmure has been staying in the Frey dungeon. Roose Bolton also lets us in one the fun fact that it is in fact his bastard son Ramsey Snow who is torturing Theon. Last we heard from them, Ramsey had sent Theon’s penis to his family, and renamed his prisoner Reek because he has taken that much power away from his captive.
As for Arya, she hit the road with her new partner in crime: The Hound. He proves himself to be a huge upgrade from Hot Pie and Gendry when Arya decides to knife a man to death and the Hound jumps right into the fray to help. Sure he’s annoyed that she didn’t tell him first, AND that she stole his knife to use but it was all together something I can’t wait to see more of. Valar Morghulis indeed, Arya. Further away on the Iron Islands the Greyjoys get their dick-package from Ramsey Snow. Daddy Greyjoy doesn’t care but Yara actually cares for her brother so she gathers her 50 best men and hit the road-er-water to find/help/save Theon/Reek.


“I’m not tired!” -Joffrey going to bed
Sansa and Tyrion are finding some common ground as a couple who doesn’t do coupling. It’s too bad there little duet can’t last as Tyrion learns of the fate of her family. During the little dinner meeting when Tyrion finds out about the Red Wedding, we also get something delicious that has been a long time coming: Tywin disciplines Joffrey by literally sending him to bed without supper. This power struggle is one of the most interesting to me in the coming season. I’m also predicting that one of these players needs to die soon or rather will meet an unfortunate end considering the Lannisters have been getting way too much good fortune as of late. Well that is everyone but Jamie. A handless raggedy version of Jamie is back in King’s Landing and I wonder how he will be received other than a shocked gasp from Cersei. Also crossing my fingers that Brienne gets to stick around with him because these two are nearly as interesting as Arya and Sandor. Also I’m a bit concerned with what happens with Shea considering her entanglement with Tyrion and Sansa as evidenced by the spider calling her a complication. PS: I miss the Spider, Littlefinger, and all their bitchiness.

“You didn’t conquer them. You liberated them” -Jorah of the Friendzone
After winning yet another battle with a slave city, Dany and her merry band of followers have a meet and greet with the now free slaves of the city of Yunkai. After some brief debate at if they will actually accept her, suddenly crowds upon crowds of slaves pile out of the city gates. Dany’s advisers try to make it professional but Dany is moved by their dirty faces. She talks to them personally about their new freedom and then a completely unexpected thing happens: They utterly accept her. Cries of “Mhysa” (meaning ‘mother’) pour out of the crowds. Now even more serene and moved, Dany bids her three gorgeous dragons to fly above them as she begins to personally greet her people by walking unguarded through the crowds allowing them not only to touch her but lift her up above their heads all while chanting “Mhysa”. It’s all very meaningful and a truly exquisite image but does this mean Dany’s troubles are gone? Doubtful. PS: I’ve missed the dragons and can barely contain my glee that they will in fact be even bigger now.


“I’ve been around Ghost enough to know a Direwolf when I see one, and I’ve heard all about Hodor”-Samwell proving he knows Bran
Ygritte gets one more chance to confront her lover, Jon Snow after he (finally) betrayed the wildlings in favor of his beloved Nights Watch. Naturally everyone’s favorite redhead (fuck Sansa) demonstrates both her intense hate and love for him. He doesn’t believe she would actually shoot him but not only does she attack him with arrows but her three shots all hit home, injuring him as he flees on horseback. However if Ygritte truly wanted him dead he would be dead by now. In another spot Samwell, Gilly, and Baby Sam, run into Team Hodor (Bran, Jojen, Meera) as they crisscross in their journeys in opposite directions. Bidding Bran the best of luck Sam gives him some dragon-glass (known killer of wight walkers), as well as some directions on how to cut through a passage in the great wall. Then Sam and his new little family head to Castle Black where they begin readying all their ravens to warn the whole kingdom of the coming Wight Walkers. Exciting. It actually feels like winter has truly come.

“When you get to Flea Bottom have a bowl of brown for me”-Davos
After bonding with Gendry, Davos decided to help the bastard boy escape. It was courageous and well meaning so of course Stannis sentenced him to death for the second time. Hahaha. Naturally while awaiting his death again Davos manages to use his new found reading skills (Thanks to lobster girl) to use on the message from Castle Black concerning the coming Wight Walkers. After sharing this tidbit with Stannis, Melisandra does a complete one-eighty and says they will need Ser Davos to be alive for this coming task. So Team Stannis is taking on the Wights now? This will either be awesome or he will bore them to death while Davos and Melisandra have a slap fight.

Are you as excited for the coming season as me? Come back for recap/reviews of each new episode as they come out.

RetroJunk: Demolition Man

•April 1, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Demolition_manHowdy folks, check out part 1 of our RetroJunk Stallone double feature.  Start here as we go back to good old 1994 and do a retro review of Demolition Man.

The Walking Dead – E16 – S4 “A” A reviewcap by Sagebeth

•March 31, 2014 • Leave a Comment


“Wonder if the whole thing is legit” -Michonne on Terminus

The season finale is here and with it brought a new juicy plotline, as well as a new and improved badass Rick Grimes who has firmly placed his farmer shoes in his back pocket. It was one of my favorite episodes ever produced by this show as well – still full of odd choices, poor CGI gunfire, and head shaking confusion but also packing some semi-quality story-telling, cliffhangers of fun, and most importantly real live human villains and guts. So lets just start right at the beginning:

We started someplace unexpected: Team Prison before their pretty little world ended. Everyone is clean (cleanish) and happy, Hershel lives, and Rick is entirely preoccupied with the violence he NEEDS to dole out everyday. Ahh the good ole days. Cut to the future; Rick’s hands are bloody and shaking as he sits next to a broken down truck. His face is also hugely blood stained. What happened? When is this? Well in my humble opinion it was one cold open too many this season – they really had a few amazing ones and this was not my favorite. It left us assuming whatever happens in Rick’s future will be VERY final and bloody and will leave him sitting alone on the side of the road covered in blood, drowning in melancholy. Unfortunately it sort of put an unneeded spin on what actually happens later but alas that is later and this is now.

After the opening credits we are back where we belong timewise: post-prison, and pre-bloody Rick. Running low on food, they go and check one of Rick’s snare traps together (So Carl can learn). During their walk, Carl wonders aloud at what they intend to share with people at Terminus: Everything that has happened to them? What they’ve done? Rick insists they will tell them who they are which leads to Carl being sort of awesome and wondering who they are exactly. At the trap, Rick places a small rabbit it caught in his pack, and begins to explain the trap to Carl – perfectly mirroring what the folks at Terminus as doing to people. Sweet gratification! Why can’t this show tickle my intellectual senses like this all the time? Of course my happiness is short-lived as they hear a man scream for help in the distance and effing Carl just takes off towards it with Rick and Michonne following. God damnit Carl. They find a man surrounded by walkers and Carl is seconds from emptying/wasting all his bullets at the horde before Rick pulls him away insisting they cannot do anything about it. While trying to escape, they run into more walkers on the train tracks and just as Rick begins to fight them we flashback to a peaceful time at the prison again.

Hershel wakes up Rick, asking for help with something that he doesn’t need his gun for. Back in the future, Rick is holding his needed gun and his group stumbles upon the broken down truck from the opening. They decide to bunk there for the night. After dark, Rick and Michonne talk by a fire while Carl rests inside the truck. They discuss, food or lack there of, as well as Terminus. Michonne question if Terminus is really what it advertises itself to be reminding me that I love this smart samurai lady. Their conversation falters when they hear a branch break out in the woods but when nothing seems to come of it they woefully ignore it until Rick suddenly has a gun next to his head. Joe, and his awful gang of bikers, white trash, and violence have caught up with them and plan on doling out some powerful justice for Rick killing there buddy Lou way back when. Joe calls this entire debacle a reckoning or a balancing of the universe but it is just straight up a bunch of vicious violent men who want to see blood for no other reason other than entertainment. Daryl, arrives as a straggler just in time to interrupt Joe’s epic countdown to the killing/raping fun his men want to have with Rick, Michonne, and Carl. He plays his silly but true hero card, insisting they let them go because they are “good people” and offers himself as the sacrifice. Joe is disappointed in his new fave and appropriately cuts the umbilical cord with him insisting Daryl is lying about his ‘friends’ being good and so he must suffer for being a “liar”. Ha. Man I love a good villain. He caps it all off by laying down the plan: beating Daryl to death. Raping Michonne. Raping Carl and then killing Rick. Then he thinks they might be square… haha oh how horrible. I love it.

Another biker dude takes this as a go ahead to rape/sexual assault Carl as he pins him to the ground. It’s tense and horrific and very reminiscent of the comic. The image is so scaring that it literally pushes Rick into full on offensive mode. He headbutts Joe, knocking the shooting gun away enough only deafen him and not kill him. They fight, and Rick once again ends up on the ground getting beat on. Daryl is still getting his ass kicked too. Michonne is under guard of a gun and Carl is still helpless on the ground beneath a terror of a man looking totally ready to violate him in the worst way. Joe seemingly gets the upper hand in his fight with Rick, as he locks his arm and holds him up. “What are you gonna do now sport?” Joe quips seeing absolutely no way this could not go his way and in a move that actually made me cheer for Rick again he literally uses the only weapon he has: his teeth. He chomps into Joe’s neck and rips away the skin as if he was a walker looking for a meal. (Rick wins my GORE OF THE WEEK AWARD for this gem). Michonne jumps on the distraction and battles her attacker, knocking his gun away. Daryl manages to kill his attackers as well leaving only the hairy man holding down Carl. He panics, noting that EVERYBODY he was with is dead and pulls a knife on Carl. Michonne hangs back but Rick just grabs Joe’s knife off his body and proceeds to stab the rapist over and over again. It sort of awesome actually how Rick just walks up to him and ends it. Completely understandable. Michonne holds Carl and they watch the entire thing. Carl’s eyes never leaving his fathers actions and it is haunting. So this is why Rick ends up covered in blood in the opening. Shaking, but ultimately finding out exactly who he is. This is the real Rick to me not this farmer nonsense we keep flashing to: cue the flashback.

Hershel insists on turning Rick into the farmer we all met at the beginning of this season. Hershel insists Carl needs his father to show him the way to live, and the way Rick lives doesn’t seem appropriate to Hershel. Man, no one ever says this but fuck Hershel. I’d rather a sauced up drunken Hershel trying to succeed than this preachy footless man. It’s all his fault Rick even thought he could live a passive life. And he did try to teach Carl how to find that peace as a farmer but guess what? Carl never enjoyed that shit. He always knew it was temporary and that eventually he’d have to pick up his gun again. Why was it such a surprise to Rick? and Hershel? Because the writers theme this season was “Who are you” and truthfully I don’t think they knew who the hell they were writing for before all this even though its been four sad seasons of no character development. Anyway the whole farming sham is revealed as just that a sham when Rick shows Carl a new way to deal with life: Chew up someones throat if they are going to hurt you or someone you love. Good plan. So presently, Rick sits still a bit amazed at the night events alone and covered in blood while Michonne holds Carl inside the truck. I am actually a huge man of Mommy Michonne and Kiddo Carl. They make my heart melt a little. Another duo that I unexpectedly love is Daryl and Rick. In the street Daryl catches Rick up on where he’s been and also apologizes for the horrible group of man he was camping with insisting he didn’t know the extent of their evil. Rick, awesomely brushes off the whole thing, and assures him to not feel guilty and even calls him his brother. Sigh. Man, after everything they’ve been through how have they not already had this conversation? I sort overly love that they are letting Rick finally except his violent nature and not stew in the depravity of it. He is a violent brutal loving compassionate man and that is okay in this reality.

Back on the road again, we are treated to one of the reasons Rick is the ‘ringleader’. Once they reach Terminus he takes the group up and around into the forest to scout out the place instead of walking in like the last group did. They spread out the make sure it is safe and I’m thinking the reason the last group didn’t do this smartly wasn’t because they are all gullible asshats but because they were still so high on the Maggie/Glenn reunion of happiness/slowly starving to death. Anyway, Carl teams up with Michonne seemingly because of his new found fear of his father so Michonne decides to nip this in the bud. She gives her full origins story to Carl. Coming back from a run to her old camp she found the fences down and her baby boy Andre gone (dead). Her baby daddy and his friend were there but they were high and got bit by walkers. In a gust of self-proclaimed crazy Michonne doesn’t end their suffering but waits for her them to turn. Then she cut off their mouths and arms and they became her pet walkers. She had done it in a move to have a constant reminder of “what she deserved”. It wasn’t until later that she noticed they helped hide her from walkers, and in turn protected her. The other monsters just had began seeing her as another monster. Then she found Andrea, and Rick and Carl and they showed her the way she wanted to be. They brought her back. The reasoning for sharing this is to show Carl he doesn’t have to be afraid of his dad, or her. But, Michonne was wrong Carl isn’t afraid of them. He confesses that he also sees himself as a monster (Carl’s mind is dark huh?). Michonne holds him as Rick looks on from afar. He has come to terms with himself and who he is will he help Carl do the same next? Maybe next year.

After the perimeter check went well Rick buries a bag of guns “just in case” and the group decides to go into Terminus through the backdoor. They get into a warehouse of some kind and we spy citizens making more terminus signs and recording their radio recording live. What do you say when you break into someones safe house? Rick takes the simple road with a “Hello”. The people aren’t scared but rather surprised. A young man offers that some unfortunate dude named Albert must be in charge of watch because they got in. Exasperated but immediately friendly they man offers them his name, Gareth (from the comic?) and welcomes them. He basically repeats the same line Mary (pioneer lady hair) said to others the last episode. He has someone named Alex help him check their weapons and then take them to the beginning of the welcome wagon. Oddly this is back with that ominous grill again. Yikes. Can you feel the tension? Alex explains that Terminus has existed almost from the beginning, because people instinctively follow the train tracks Want to know what else follows their instincts? Rabbits into snare traps. Eep.

They meet Mary, grilling some meat, and while she prepares some plates for them Rick takes a look around the courtyard at the new others. Just some people during meal time? Yes. Then we look closer and see what Rick sees: a familiar orange backpack, riot gear, poncho, Before we can get our barrings Rick sees something that raises his alarm to its pinnacle: Alex has a super familiar pocket watch. Rick smacks the plate of meat out of Carl’s hands and puts his gun to Alex’s head. That is most certainly the same pocket watch Hershel gave to Glenn. Yip!

We flashback once more to a better time. Beth is the eternal babysitter, with Judith. Now dead, Patrick plays with legos which is something I do on a daily basis so no judging here and Carl cleans the loves of his life: guns. This is when Rick recruits his son to help him on the farm, copying Hershel’s line about not bringing his gun because it’ll get in the way. We cut back the present where Carl most definitely needs a gun. Rick questions his hostage about the watch, and he lies about finding it on the dead. Gareth appears and continues the clever lies. He finally asks Rick what he wants and when he doesn’t get an answer he has the sniper kill Alex the hostage. Everyone scrambles to safety as Rick, Carl, Michonne, Daryl try to get away. Sniper fire chases them, and herds them exactly where these Terminus villains want them to go – like rats in a maze. The push them toward destination ‘A’ and on the way they pass several interesting things: a warehouse, an already gunned down courtyard, a pile of human remains and tarps, cries for help from freight containers and most insanely a room filled with mementos and candles with name written all over the floor as well as phrases like “never forget”, “never trust”, and “We first, always”. Finally they are led to a last freight container labeled “A”. Now surrounded by all the residents, the gang drops their weapons and file into the container after some death threats to Carl. Gareth, hilariously, nicknames them all Ringleader, Archer, Samurai, and Kid. Surprisingly they find some other friends inside the container: Glenn, Maggie, Bob, Sasha, Tara, Eugene, Abraham, and Rosita. Personally I was wicked surprised that everyone still had all their limbs – comic reference.

Now stuck inside a cage like an animal, the groups hopes plunge except for Rick. Surprise surprise – Rick is here and he is a survivor. For once Rick focuses not on what he has lost but what he has gained: family and friends. “They’re going to feel very stupid when they find out” Rick teases his friends, “They’re screwing with the wrong people”. Here endith season four of The Walking Dead. This is officially one of my favorite episodes of this entire series and hopefully that means my excitement for next season isn’t too silly.
And scene.


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